By: Mutiat Alli
Entering a new relationship is a big deal, particularly when your past relationships have continually failed. If you are having reservations about starting fresh with someone new, it might be best to reflect on your dating habits first. Here are some questions to ask yourself to ensure that your next relationship is the happiest, healthiest one yet.
- Am I ready?
Relationships take time and energy. Make sure your current lifestyle is ready for the commitment. If you have a new job, if you are in pursuit of a dream, or if you are endearing a family emergency, it might not be best to throw another human being into the mix. Wait until you are settled before considering a relationship.
- Am I truly over my ex?
Do not enter into a new relationship if your answer is NO, and you secretly want your ex back. Rebound relationships are not only destined to fail, they are destined to bruise the emotions of your new partner. No one wants to feel like they are a rebound, and no one deserves to be one. The best way to get over your ex is to work on yourself. Decide what didn’t work in your last relationship, and what personal aspect of your own life need adjusting to make your next relationship a success.
- What did not work in past relationships?
Perhaps you sacrificed too much for your last partner. Perhaps it lacked trust or honesty. Maybe your relationship didn’t work because of distance. Make a list of all the things that went wrong in your prior relationships and find solutions.
- What worked in my past relationships?
If you don’t recognize the positive aspects of a functional and healthy relationship, it will be difficult to transfer those ideas into a new one. If your own relationships lack insight, look at the couples around you. Perhaps your own parent or friends have harbored long-term relationships, and can lend some advice.
- What kind of relationship am I looking for?
In other words, how serious do you want it to be? This is important, not only for your own sake, but for the sake of your new, potential partner. Are you looking for a fun fling? Or are you ready to settle down? Be sure to discuss your answer with them before the two of you get in too deep. Avoid wasting time by making sure you are on the same page.
- Do they share my morals?
Just because someone likes the same activities, or the same movies or books or food, doesn’t necessarily mean they are right for you. You have to dig deeper. Do they have the same beliefs? Not religion or politics. I mean, how do they treat other people in their life? How do they look at the world? What are they passionate about? And if you are looking to settle down with this person; what will they teach their children? Is it the same thing you would want your own children to learn?
- What do I want out of this relationship?
Maybe you are looking for support, love or companionship. Maybe you are looking for a best friend or maybe you are simply looking for a “good time”. It is important to determine these things before entering into a new relationship. It’s the only way to decipher whether you are in it for the right reasons, and whether or not this person can provide what you desire.
- Do I love myself?
You cannot love someone else if you don’t love yourself. If you don’t feel deserving of love, you might doubt or deny the love you receive from someone else, which can be extremely frustrating for them.
- What characteristics am I looking for in a partner?
Confidence? Sense of humor? Humility? Kindness? Motivation? Hard work? Does your prospective partner embody most of these characteristics?
- Does this person bring out the best in me?
How do you feel when you are with them? How do you behave? Are you able to be your complete self?
- Am I really interested in this person?
I, for one, have made the mistake of dating someone just because, I was bored and confused and blinded to the fact that they were completely wrong for me. They were great; but they just weren’t great for me, I was more interested in telling them about myself, than learning about them.
- Would I be proud to introduce this person as my partner?
When you get into a new relationship, eventually, you will have to introduce them to everyone in your life. Are you excited about this? If the answer is NO, I’d run but if the answer is YES, great.
- Do my friends and family like this person?
Usually, the people who know you best also know what’s best for you. If they don’t like your new partner, it’s probably because they are seeing something you can’t yet.
14. Do I even want to be in a relationship?
If you’ve been in lots of relationships, if you’ve recently gotten out of a draining one, or if you just love being single, maybe you should be. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But if you have considered all these questions above and feel that you are ready, then go for it! We are all rooting for you.