I’m not changing my nail polish for you. I am not changing my lipstick hue. I am not changing my eyes to blue. I am not changing the size of my breasts, because after all I tried to do to please you, you chose the opposite of who I was trying to be, for you.
While in the shower, as the heat beat my back, I felt it on my numbing spine, due to the emotional pain I’ve bore. “I am not changing”.
It is sad that at this stage of my life, these are the types of insecurities I face. No woman should be this insecure, but it is what it is. It really is what it is! It is an epidemic I have found myself in, in constant comparison of the size of my butt and the shape of my nose.
When did I grow to be this unsure of who I am? You live your life strutting in confidence, and all it takes is his roving eye to leave you hanging flat on your face, looking from afar, groaning in agony, because he is now with her.
As I stand here trying to deceive myself that he was mine, I need to tell myself the truth. I never had him, though he sure had me. Stop crying over him. Stop crying over her.
Whoever your ex was, stop crying over him or her. There is nothing wrong with you. That person was in your life for a reason and for a season. You have earned. You have grown, and you have learned.
I would like to tell you to move on but it’s easier said than done. I’ve been there. Cherish the memories and un-train yourself to live in the present.
Daydreaming about the relationship means you are living in the past. ACCEPT the present situation, which is……YOU ARE NO LONGER WITH THIS PERSON.
I know you changed yourself for this person. You almost altered yourself and thank God you didn’t crash. One would think that with all the changes you had to make, you shouldn’t miss them.
That’s the chemical and spiritual connection you had together, of course you will miss them. It will wear out. What happens when you stop fanning a flame?
The fire would eventually quench. So…..NEVER change yourself for anybody.
Accept the love that God has given you. Accept the breakup if there is one, and grow from every opportunity.
Remember, a breakup is a breakthrough. Nobody is better than you. It’s just a different season. It only hurts this bad because you changed so much.
Next time, be proportioned to your season and everything will be alright.