Relationships are complex organisms, so it’s difficult to define the overall dos and don’ts. However, some behaviours cross the line no matter what. If your partner’s engaging in any of the following, it may be time for you to think carefully about where your relationship is headed and whether you’re getting the treatment you deserve.
1. Monitoring your activities
Just because you’re dating somebody, doesn’t mean they need to know where you are or what you’re doing 24/7. They should respect your need to be by yourself and maintain a certain level of privacy when you’re already sharing so much of who are you with them.
Someone who claims to care about you has zero right or reason to put you down. It may not seem like a big deal that he said you sounded stupid asking his friend some question, but how would you feel if your friend chastised you for the same thing? Chances are, you probably wouldn’t put up with it.
3. Control over your wardrobe
Sure this person is going to be seen with you in public a lot. Even so, deciding what looks good on you and what doesn’t is an encroachment on your personal taste, sense of style, and, ultimately, freedom. You should never have to give that up because you’re worried about what someone who’s allegedly so close to you thinks.
4. No acceptance of your friends
If your significant other refuses to spend any time or expend any effort getting to know your friends, then you can write him or her off as someone who doesn’t care about you. Your friends are an extension of who you are, to a certain level, and a significant other should realize that.
5. Avoidance of your family
You’ll have to accept that tolerating your family may not be everyone’s favourite thing to do, let alone your own. However, if your significant other refuses to make the compromise to spend time with them on at least major holidays, you’ve got a real selfish bastard on your hands.
- Need for too much one-on-one time
If you feel like you’re suffocating in a relationship that does not indicate an abundance of love. It means that you guys need to get out and mingle with other people every now and again in order to come up for air, or that your partner should demanding to have you all to him or herself.
7. Ten phone calls an evening
When going out with your friends lands you numerous voicemails from your significant other “checking in,” you should probably re-evaluate your partner’s need to be so…on top of your interpersonal communications. This is not normal behaviour, nor is it healthy.
8. Mandatory midnight skype sessions
A sneaky cousin of the nightly phone call, it forbids you from doing things like staying out late with your friends, or even just going to sleep before midnight. This constitutes your partner exerting unnecessary control from a distance, so be wary next time your designated Skype session falls past eleven p.m. on a weekend (unless, of course, there are extenuating circumstances on either end, like a night class that gets out late).
- Accusations of cheating
This is a cruel way for your partner to expose his or her lack of trust. What’s worse is:
10. Of course, cheating itself
Unless you guys are in an open/non-exclusive relationship, being intimate with someone else completely disregards your significant other’s feelings. Not only that, it has the potential to damage your relationship beyond repair in a permanent way.
11. Lies about feelings
Telling your partner that you love him or her before you’re ready is only setting you both up for an emotional train wreck. Also, neglecting to express your love may keep your partner in the dark about something that could otherwise make him or her the happiest person on earth (at least, in his or her mind).
12. One-way sacrifices
Do you find that you’ve quit your job and moved away from your beloved family and city to support your partner’s endeavours? And then he or she won’t even budge on when it comes to ordering Chinese food that night when you’ve had more than enough of Kung Pao chicken to last a lifetime? That’s just ridiculous.
13. Citing significant inequalities
If your partner has a more respected job, is wealthier, or comes from a higher socio-economic background, make sure he or she never throws these facts in your face or attempts to use them against you.
14. Control over finances
Your partner handling the bank account and providing you with an “allowance” harkens back to high school when your parents were in charge of your life. Your partner is not (and should by no means act like) your parent.
15. Any kind of physical force
This one should go without saying, but it’s important to remind that there’s no such thing as a “justified kick.”