No one marries with the intent of having their marriage dissolved at some point, or with separation in mind during the ceremony, except a pre-arranged marriage, a marriage of convenience or a marriage based on spite. And no one with a conscience will watch his or her marriage go north, without as much lift a finger to attempt to repair. On this note, ‘Relationship and Us’ will be dealing with forgiveness and reconciliation.
Signs that there is a divide in your marriage
Arguing over seemingly pointless things
When you find yourself having repeated arguments over mundane things like toothpaste, shoes, plates and senseless issues, I am sorry, but you likely have bigger issues that you need to iron or work out. Happily we now have marriage counselors every which way we turn, so pick a good one and go pour out your fears and worries. This is the time to invest in your marriage.
Avoiding your spouse:
When it’s so obvious you are avoiding your spouse in the name of steering clear of arguments or whatever other lame excuse you come up with, It’s time you pay a visit to someone who can give good marital advice; or talk to couples who have a relatively long and happy marriage.
You can’t remember the last time you had sex:
There is no need to continue excusing yourself or yourselves with reasons even you know is lame and pointless. Take time off and find out what is really going on and then, talk it out with your spouse in a bid to saving your marriage.
When you ignore your spouse or yourselves:
Silence is a sure and the ultimate sign that your marriage is doomed. You need to do something fast. This is the time to pull out the white rabbit and begin to mend fences.
Hunting for attention from anyone other than your spouse:
Before one poor excuse of a man or woman comes around to destroy your home, deal with this craving for outside attention. You have both put a lot of sweat, blood, money and have scarified a lot more to let your marriage go. But if it’s irreparable then you must try the following:
How to recapture your spouse’s attention
It happens. Occasionally in a marriage you might find a couple who has checked out. They seem to be going through the motions, and physically present, but their mind and heart might be slowly creeping away. It’s easy, when you feel like this, to throw in the towel. It makes sense that one wouldn’t even want to try anymore, or for feelings of hopelessness to set in. Sometimes you feel like you’ve already said and done all that you need to do, with little result. So why try anymore, right?
Marriage can be one of the most difficult relationships to maintain. However, in order for it to work, it is a must that we be more than physically present. Just like we can’t just sit in a parked car and expect to arrive at our destination, we can’t just sit still in a marriage and expect it to blossom. We also have to start the ignition, put the right gears into place and move it. I challenge everyone in a mediocre marriage to take action, now!
- If you find both you and your spouse just going through the motions, picture yourself being successful in love and consider these ideas on recapturing your spouse’s attention.
- Engage in meaningful conversation with your spouse. How often in a marriage, do we discuss our passions, turn ons, hopes, dreams, and plans for the future? When we’re only physically present, our communication tends to be quite basic, by only talking about the things we have to talk about. Find some time to talk about the things you both want to actually discuss. Eliminate the nagging and bothersome conversation in order to make room for more exciting conversations.
- Make your home and your arms a safe haven. Creating a home of peace that both partners look forward to coming home to, should be every couple’s goal. Who wants to fight with the world and then come home to fight with their life partner too? As a spouse, we have to focus on ways to help our mate relieve some of the pressures they feel. Being physical with hugs, kisses, and massages can easily do the trick.
- Check in with your spouse, frequently. This does not include complaining about all the things that are wrong. However, it does include asking how they feel, what they need, and what you can do to make them feel good.
- Plan something to help you escape the routine. Nothing zaps the energy out of a marriage more, than doing the exact same thing over and over again. Enjoy an overnight stay at a hotel, a weekend getaway, or go out to eat instead of cooking. Sometimes it’s healthy to switch it up a bit. It’s our responsibility as a spouse, to help keep the marriage alive and well.
- Put some effort into your appearance. Who gets excited about coming home to an unattractive or messy spouse? Wives do your hair, look sexy from time to time. Husbands, maintain your grooming, put some energy into getting dressed and looking good. Another goal of a spouse is to turn your partner on. When you look hot, you feel hot too.
Simply put, married folks, you have to make an effort. Treat your marriage the same way you would anything you are truly passionate about and want to save. Love on your spouse, pour into your marriage, and be the best damn spouse possible.
How to find strength when your marriage begins to take a wrong turn
What are you supposed to do when your spouse decides to walk away from your marriage? There are really no magic words to make a person in this situation feel any better or worse, than he or she already feels. When such happens what we are left with is a broken “self” that needs quick healing and growth.
- What area of my life do I need to grow up?
None of us gets to a point of not needing to grow up in our relationship. Ask yourself honestly, where you need to grow up in your understanding of your marriage?
- What needs to change about ME?
In what ways do your perspectives, attitude or approach need to change? At this point it doesn’t even matter what your spouse does or does not do, this is your time of change or self-improvement
- How can I pray for my spouse?
The hurt is real. But this is not about him or her. To be able to grow, start praying for your spouse. Our prayer is not for the things we see or know to be wrong about them. Rather, we pray for their peace, for their growth, for God to show them His plan for their life. Just pray for them and watch how God grows you.